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On the Couch NME, November 14, 1998
What song describes you best? "Air’s ‘Sexy Boy.’ But that’s probably just my own opinion."
What is heaven? "A mobile studio that you can take to bed with you."
What is hell? "As a child, I always had great difficulty understanding what heaven or hell were supposed to be like. Eventually I came to the opinion that hell us just a big empty place where nothing ever happened and you never met any of your mates. And then I decided that it didn’t exist at all."
What’s your earliest memory? "Probably David Wilkie swimming at the Montreal Olympics."
What’s your greatest fear? "Heights. Which doesn’t make flying too much fun."
Who is your all-time hero? "Artistically, Scott Walker."
What’s the worst trouble you’ve ever been in? "We’d just come over to London in 1990, and Keith from Setanta decided that we were so helpless, he would break into our squat for us. So he brought us all up to the 20th floor in a horrible, scummy tower block in Camberwell and broke into this flat. We were there for a week when the bailiffs came round with some very large people. We managed to get all our stuff out including all our musical equipment in about ten minutes."
Who was the first love of you life? "A girl called Gillian, who was in our choir in church. She was my first kiss! She’s now a librarian."
What is your greatest talent? "I’ve got a handy knack of folding up crisp packets into little triangles."
Upon whom would you most like to exact revenge? Why? How? "I’d like to have revenge on my nose for being ridiculously allergic to pollen. I’d take revenge by cutting it off to spite my face."
What’s your most treasured possession? "You know how when you’re a kid you always say you’re going to eat chocolate all day as an adult? Well, the only thing I’ve really come through on is getting the biggest TV imaginable."
What have you most regretted doing while drunk? "Je ne regrette rein…"
What can you cook? "I normally cook a boiled egg for myself, but if I was going to impress my girlfriend, I would cook her those nice Quorn fillets, and a salad with vinaigrette."
What is the best piece of advice you’ve received? "My big brother Desmond told me I should go to university because most bands meet at university. I didn’t go, but it was a good piece of advice."
Can you read music? "I read a couple of bars per hour."
If you were invisible for a day, what would you do? "I’d nip down to Chiswick and find Scott’s house and see if be bothers writing anything at all."
What are your finally three wishes? "To write the greatest song ever written, to go into space, and to come back in one piece."
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Keanuland